hi thar.

I've officially recognized my failure at updating, in case you didn't realize (like ten months ago, literally). Urm.

I'm not promising to come back atm even though it's summer; I kept putting off typing an update because I wanted to write something about Mock Trial + FanimeCon 08. I mean, I will eventually; I have to. But right now I don't have the time.

And by the way, sorry for the sporadic change in tone throughout this post; the cheerful parts are my attempt to lighten the mood. . ________. Sporadic spazziness... I

In short, Mock Trial finished at the end of March; we placed second in state (FORK YEAH), losing to a bunch of "immoral, scripted, blonde Catholic hobags", but as a friend said, we were the clear moral victors. ♥ Like actually; everyone hated that other team. :D Bahhh; I still miss MTT like heck, but the only thing I can wait for is next year I guess. (Although half of our team will be gone. And our coach will be living in Ireland. And we still don't have a replacement. So she might be our cyber-coach apparently...) And yeah. Short choppy sentences that all end in periods. This isn't me-like.

JKHGDKJHGKJFD

Ummmmm, Fanime was at the end of May, and it was EPIC LOVE, seriously seriously so. I miss everyone! [ moo ]

And, uhhhhhhhhhhh what elseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

I applied for this summer program (some film class + Trial Advocacy, which is like MTT... shocking, I know) at my dream school Columbia and GOT IN, but my parents aren't letting me go this summer! :[[[[[[[[[ It's really expensive and I'm hoping they'll let me go next summer instead, but nothing's certain. So I started taking multiple classes in photography & fashion at the Academy of Art (yes, that school that sucks money out of your pocket and spells D-O-O-M-M-M) last week, but we got a phone call two nights ago from my uncle.

Basically, my grandma isn't doing so well; the doctor said we have like... limited time to see her, so my family's flying back as soon as possible (aka tonight) to go see her. It's just really, really awful; all my life I've never been able to really get to know my grandma, and I was planning to spend an entire summer with her to do so. And from what I've heard she's just an INCREDIBLE person that everyone in the community loved, seriously. And she hasn't been doing well for the past few months so I was planning to go back to Taiwan alone this summer to see her, but my parents wouldn't let me go overseas for that sole reason... so I found this volunteer program over there, but I didn't get in (because it was age-based and I was like the youngest T_T), so I couldn't go to Taiwan. Which was devestating because I wanted to go back for so many other reasons too (haven't gone back in three years, wanted to go fob-shopping/hairstyling, wanted to see relatives etc), to the point that I'd have dreams multiple times a week about going back, literally.

And now that I really am going back it's bittersweet since it's for the wrong reasons. And just, agh. Sorry for ranting; I just found a reason why I've missed Xanga so much; I can talk however much I want about myself. (Conceited, I know.)

Blagh, I'm really sorry for being all sad, it's just a hard phase I'm going through right now. I'm basically posting here to tell you guys I'll be gone this month; I have to be back by August (going to San Diego with Athena) so I'll probably be in Taiwan for a bit over a month. Yeah.

Uh. I'll try making a photoblog when I'm in Taiwan! :D

Last time I went back, Xanga was my only connection to the US, basically. I can even remember the layout I was using... it was called like 'Wishing Upon a Star' or something and had stars for navigation, and it was a picture of a girl sentimentally looking through a window. (err.) And it wouldn't load in Taiwan! The HTML was all funky and the CSS just wouldn't function or something.

I found the posts from ancient times just now.

__oh god ; I don't even know.
__POMBAKA! ; OMG, that's back when we gave our crushes code-names, although we kind of still do. Except I loathed "Pombaka", that was a guy that my friend liked...
__miserable? ; um
__stomachache ; aah god, that was a HELLISH week of sickness. ew.
* omg KAREN, lol: "oh, and for the record, i CAN dance, i am OBSESSED with dancing. xD lol i am a dancer. um in case you didnt get my post, i`m starting this hip hop class with a few friends and yeah, jealous of their ability to move their body =X"
(bahh, I dunno if she reads my Xanga anymore but that just brings back a wave of nostalgia. because I actually remember reading that & being like, 'aghhh why is she so COOL', haha.)
__Full House ; omg, first post. so this is where the obsession began...

And that's it. Dang, it's funny to see how much I've changed (and not changed) since then... I don't use as many smileys, but I'm still incoherent and immature.

I miss having Piedmont friends talk to me, like Elaine and Karen and stuff.

I was talking to Stephen the other day and he said the first word that comes to mind when he thinks of me is anime. And I was like =O='''''

Like honestly, I follow like. Two series. I stopped being an "otaku fangirl" in like mid frosh year. Like yeah, I cosplay, but nowadays it's more for the sake of making clothes + doing photoshoots + meeting famous people, than like, being a fail geek. And I've already converted into more of a k-drama/Asian culture-ish girl than anything I think.

BLAH.

Oh right, back on topic:

brb taiwan. :3

To quote Britney Spears....

"It's been a while."

8DDDDD; Sorry, it had to be done.

So um. HIIIIIII EVERYONE!~ I hope none of you have been missing me ever since my leave like... a year ago it feels. Actually, I secretly conceitedly hope you guys have, since that'd make me feel loved. However, seeing as I got less than ten comments in the past month (I just checked), I don't think that's the case. 8] But whatever.

I've been avoiding Xanga for the express purpose of having to get back on track, since it's just another added priority on my list. For those of you that've kept in contact with me through other methods (aka MyFace as my friend's mom so eloquently puts it), you know that I have gotten a life. It's crazy and a foreign feeling. >_<; Like, I actually have to do things now and get off my lazy butt, which means not much time for rotting in front of the computer.

...Actually that's a lie, I've still found time to rot, it's just on other sites plus AIM. :'D But anyway.

So what have I been doing allllllllll this time? Okay, so essentially every day has been devoted to Mock Trial--a cult I'm part of at school. I mentioned it a while back, but it's the sole reason I haven't been able to do ANYTHING Xanga- or design-related in the past few months! It's totally beyond words how difficult and time-consuming it is, since we analyze the smallest, most seemingly minute stuff in our case and take everything to the extreme. It's crazy. I have at least five MTT-related dreams a week, and I'm not exaggerating. Since my school's team is especially competitive, we've sweeped the county title and we're going to LA this weekend to compete for the state title. Exciting, no? :'D And after that there's Nationals in Deleware, but something tells me we won't get that far. T____________T;; And yeah.

E>

I also have to take care of the well-being of over twenty kids when we go to Fanime, apparently. And plan everything, since the vice pres of the club just left a few months ago and I wasn't aware of this until recently. Club shambles much? -____-; It's stressful. There's Cherry Blossom Festival coming up in less than a month, and I have to make sure other peoples' cosplays are ready to wear. I myself am screwed as is--I have to work with non-stretch VINYL (aka Fabric from Hell) to make a dress from no pattern, since there weren't any patterns my size, and you can't really modify an 8 down to 00. *(#@&$!

So. What else... Oh, another reason webdesign's come to a stop is because I killed my computer in late December. It was like THE worst day of my life; I mean, it didn't crash, but the fact that I'm pretty sure it was my fault pretty much ruins everything. I dunno though. I still have my old hard disk and my dad bought this thing so that I can access the files on it, but I still haven't gotten around to installing that or whatever. I have a new laptop now, but it's not the saaaameeee. #^#;; *angstflail* I have PhotoShop installed, but I barely have any brushes or textures. Which is why Synesthesia's currently half-dead. :[

...Fine, dead. But I'll revive it! >A<;; b

So honestly now. Ever since I started this whole anime interest, Xanga business and all of that, I've felt like I'm declining when I really should be becoming something more--everyone's always told me that I was a smart kid, and I was a few points short of attending the single most elite student programs/schools in the Chicago area back when I lived there. And I felt that getting into all of this computer stuff would bring me down, and honestly, it has--but I'll admit, I like it. I don't want to get into a  full-fledged rant (because honestly, it would take a while to unlodge everything that would need to be said), but yeah. Ever since I came into high school, I had a resolve to shape up so I could go to the Ivy League school I wanted.

Obviously, things haven't played out as I wanted them to, seeing that I was unintentionally made pres of the Anime Club, plus a number of other roles in the cosplay & convention community. I'm now hoping I can use those things to my advantage, because, even though I sometimes sit back and feel bad for "wasting my time" on such stuff because it can be immature sometimes, I know that I have a reason for loving it all. One of my goals of being on Mock Trial would be to get back on an academically-strict course, and it's somewhat helped me (MTT = the smartest most amazing people in the school. PERIOD.). Yesterday I was talking to my best friend on AIM, and she was like, "You seem to know a lot of programs to apply for." And it sounds harmless out of context, but it represents all the tension that's been building up. The thing is, I don't think she understands, nor anyone, really--I don't think anyone gets that I'm going through these struggles to not fall behind, because I always feel like I'm sinking fast. Doing all these programs is my way of getting my life back together instead of doing things that I know I'll one day regret.

Okay, rantage. Oops. >_<; With all that being said, I still love the webdesign, anime and cosplay communities. I've met people who are able to balance all of that and still be doing great at Wellesley, and I know that Cristy's friend, Gywn, goes to Columbia (aka the Godly School I Want to One Day Attend But Will Never Get Into) and still fangirls with Cristy all the time. Even if I don't know her, Gwyn, plus a number of others I know, are my role models, and yeah. I really don't know where I'm going with this, but whatever.

I know all of that may've seemed random, but it's a base reason why I haven't come on Xanga for so long. Please forgive me!

Hopefully I'll update soon again, prolly after the competition. To be honest, I'm still kind of hesitant about coming back to Xanga. One of the reasons I've loved Xanga so much in the past is because of the community, and knowing how many people on Xanga love and support me all the time. And with all covers and fluff aside, I'm just afraid that I'm coming back with only two people recognizing me. I mean, if that's the case, I'm okay with it, but it just means that Xanga isn't what it used to be to me, which means that it'd be likely that I fall out again. I dunno.

Anyhow, I'll talk to you all later. And actually respond to comments! >]

- - -

Also--again, I never knew them, but everything Cristy told me about Gywn and Peter would warm my heart and make me happy for the rest of the day. It's absolutely devestating that such events could happen that would cut Peter's life short, and I send my warmest regards to his family and friends.

Rest in peace.
Peter Dongmin Kim
July 12, 1982 - February 11, 2008

A;WOIEJFAWLK

;OIWJE;OIFWJEOASDF

Today is my anniversary of moving to California. I don't know if that's a good thing, (: I really, really miss Chicago... and it's been a tradition for me to post every February 4.

So there.

So I've gotten a new laptop, but I haven't installed anything yet, but once I do & get my files from my hard disk, back to Xanga I coooome. *o* I'm not sure when my dad will have the connection cord-thing though; he doesn't have time to go to Best Buy so for all I know it may take a few weeks. Not that that really changes anything.

As for those of you that actually care about this update, I've probably already chatted with you ever since my absence via Facebook or AIM or whatever; I'll revive this site when I have the time. This is the first time I've visited since January 1, I think. 8DDDDDDDDDD; Mock Trial's first official country round is tomorrow, so my schedule's jammed for a while. Yeah, we'll see. asdf;lkew find me hereee.

Love you all, thanks for putting up with me~ E>